4 Easy Steps to Walking Obnoxiously

So here it is – the 411 on walking obnoxiously by avoiding evil and deflecting potential threats. Please note that the steps below can be applied to skateboarders, rollerbladers, bikers and my personal favorite – runners. Basically, anyone who is passing me or going at a speed faster than walking. Get your own path! Yeah, I’m looking at you bikers.

Anyway, first things first!

1. Spot your Target. 

When on a walk with your human always be on the lookout for the fast-moving people. Take it from me, it’s really best to notice your target from as far out as possible. This increases your bark and pull time significantly. 

2. Dig In.

Immediately after spotting your target, begin digging in your claws. With all your little might – begin to charge. Be warned, it’s during this step that your human will most likely (if they’re paying attention and not playing Pokemon) hold you back and try to scold you. I say “try” because it’s also during this step that you go into what I like to call, “The Red Zone.” Starting seeing blood and have a laser focus on the mission. 

3. Get Vocal.

As your target approaches and as you’re ripping your claws into the ground – initiate the power of the bark. As rapid and as menacing as possible – let loose and give ‘em hell! Again, your owner will attempt to quiet you and may even grab your scruff (if they ever do this whip your head around and fake bite. You’re still seeing red remember). 

4. Act Natural.

After the target has passed and is safely off in the distance, begin doing some heavy breathing to bring yourself back to the present moment. Again, your human will not understand the kind of danger you just saved them from and may try to have a talk with you about your behavior. Act like you care (humans can’t help that they don’t understand the threat, they have small brains) and continue on with your lovely walk – proud of all the hard work you just accomplished!

Do not be shy to transfer these steps to any other unnaturally fast-moving object and don’t forget to practice this technique daily. After all, practice makes perfect. 

Let me know in the comments below: Is this something you’re already doing or something new you would love to try out? As always, please share your story or any additional tips!

(P.S. Want to read another great article by yours truly? Check out my article, How to Chase a Bunny under the “Pearl’s Life” category!)