How to Chase a Bunny
We all know that one rodent that gets into your yard no matter how hard you try to keep it out. Ya know that one that sneaks through the tiniest of holes in the fence and hides out in the tall grass while you’re peacefully sunbathing on the patio.
See my parents have tried time and time again to block all the holes in the fence to keep Mr. Bunny-fu-fu out but they have not been successful. So now it’s time for me to step in and take care of these pests myself. After-all, as mother says, “the bunnies are full of damn fleas” and we don’t want that!
I’ve devised quite a comprehensive strategy for bunny chasing. I’ve perfected this art so much I can now apply it to chasing birds as well. Are you ready for the steps?
Step 1: Let the bunnies get comfortable.
Make them think you’re not onto them. Most importantly, let them believe they are welcome in your sanctuary. Once you allow them to get comfortable, you’ll have more and more success with corning one. Ya know what, I recommend you go as far as naming one! Mom named the most recent one Pickle and let me tell you, Pickle has been coming around ever since.
Step 2: Act like you don’t see them.
This is similar to Step 1 but slightly different because now you will actually start working your way up to “approaching” said bunnies. Act like you don’t see them though, you have to build their confidence into thinking you won’t chase them… Remember give them the illusion that they’re welcome in your yard. Build up their confidence and trust in you that you are really just a lazy old dog that can barely move. Make them think you have no interest in them while slowly, ever so slowly, approaching.
Step 3: Chase
After you’ve allowed the bunnies into your yard for a couple of days, they’ll get to hopping around and will be feeling pretty cocky about themselves. You’ll feed into their self-assurance by slowly moving closer and closer but not full-on approaching. This will only make the bunnies feel more secure in your yard and with you as a predator. At this point, they’re thinking they judged you all wrong. Heck! You’re really just a friend and a lover of the great outdoors as well. AND this is when you perform the ultimate dupe! You chase their fluffy-tailed behinds. That’s right, you attack! Full on, 4-wheel drive – kick it down and go!
Now I’m not a complete bully, I’m not really even interested in catching them! I’m merely just showing them the way out of the yard and making sure they take their fleas with them.
And that is how you con a bunny into a fake friendship so you can exploit that relationship for your own pleasure of a good chase. Now, don’t be afraid – you can try this with birds as well. I like to let the birds hop close to me or land nearby and then randomly lunge. Or my fav is when I’m walking past a crow and I’ll act all “hey, dude just passing by” and then BAM I’ll hook left and run right towards them.
It’s a good hobby and I can tell mom and dad have been happy that the bunnies now know who’s boss around here. Now get out there and find yourself a bunny to ‘friend’!
(P.S. Want to read another great article by yours truly? Check out my article, 4 Steps to Walking Obnoxiously under the “Pearl’s Life” category!)