Dear 15-Year-Old Self,
Your hair looks great. Your clothes are cute. You look good! You’ll look back at this time and go, “Wow, I’m glad I didn’t dress like the other girls. I’m kinda proud I wore my brother’s old t-shirts and rocked the tomboy look hard.”
Ask yourself these two questions: Have I ever failed at something? Have I ever let myself be defeated?
My guess is, that you’ve failed at something before – maybe multiple somethings but you probably haven’t let it defeat you. We see it all the time that defeat or giving up isn’t in our vocabulary or that we’re supposed to get back on the horse.
I don’t think failure is something anyone ever gets used to but for me, it was oddly foreign until college. Yeah it’s true I sucked at all things sports but when it came to academics I did well. Sure, in college I earned a D once and had to retake a class but for some reason that didn’t bother me too much. It was embarrassing but it was a 400 level college course and I struggled to understand the teacher. I was studying for my bachelors in math and math education.
I’m all about myself. No, really – anything from self-help, self-care, self-love, self-improvement, treat-yo-self self — I love to learn about it. So it makes sense I’d be obsessed with the personality test!
Strangely, I took a class in high school where we took the personality quiz and I still remembered my results. (I remembered that no one else in the class had my personality type so I changed it so I’d fit in. But I don’t think anyone was buying that I was an extrovert!) So a few weeks ago, I thought I’d take it again and see if my results changed over the last nine years.
Something that has been eating me alive for quite some time is my inability to get a job out of state. Moving out of the midwest has been a goal for mine for years but for some reason, I keep missing my goal.
To me, this feels like a HUGE failure. The plan was to live in our current town for two years (we’re at three) and then move out east or west for two years.
I have tried a variety of tactics ranging from taking my address off of my resume, putting down a relocating date, revisiting and revamping my resume frequently, catering each resume and cover letter to the specific job, reaching out to recruiters on LinkedIn and blindly applying for any job.
With my type A personality I tend to get wound up and frustrated by the lack of success I’ve had in this goal of mine. Sometimes I debate giving in. Maybe I should just buy a house here, settle down in this depressing town for the time being and put this goal off to “someday.” This sounds very enticing to me because I’m sick of feeling rejected but I know in my gut – it’s not the right move to make. I know down the road, I’ll be more upset with myself that I let frequent disappointment stop me from my goal.
Here’s a list of four things I’ve found have helped me keep on keeping on.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. – Anonymous
Today, I threw a pen and punched my desk. I pounded on my keyboard and slammed my office phone down. I’ve NEVER been like this. I’ve never thrown an adult tantrum! I’ve always been able to remain calm and find another outlet for my anger. But lately, it’s been bad.
The following book changed my life. My entire perspective of the world changed. People look different, social pressure is understood and being yourself is acceptable. It’s a must-read for any introvert.
I wish I had read this book years ago!
I wish I had read it before taking education courses and I wish I had read it before being a teacher.
I wish I had read it before joining the work force and I wish all employers had read it.
You made it. Graduation day is here!
This is the moment you have been waiting for – the moment you have been working towards. You have graduated!
If you’re anything like me – it only took you five short years and multiple majors.
The graduation part – was a lot different than I had imagined. I thought I would be so relieved and ecstatic but instead I felt overwhelmed and depressed.
That’s right. You do not need to have a passion. Repeat after me – I don’t need a passion.
How do you feel? Lighter, at ease, maybe even happier. I know I do. Taking the pressure off yourself to find your passion feels incredible!
The other day I learned the term, “Imposter Syndrome,” and I couldn’t believe I’ve never heard of it before! It describes how I feel about my life and myself a majority of the time.
When I first started college I was majoring in architecture. I had been told that the architecture program was extremely difficult to get into. So naturally, I worked hard and really tried to succeed. But shorty after getting accepted into the program (when not all of my friends had) I thought, “Did I miss something? Did I somehow cheat through it – it’s because I’m a girl… they had to up their female quota.”